by Saber Slate | Oct 10, 2018 | Opinion & Reviews
Halloween is just around the corner, and you know what that means – costume shopping!
Some people go all out, making their own awesome costume or spending thousands on their costumes, while others make their own using homemade methods. Sometimes people just spend less than $20 on a prepackaged costume from Party City (or if they’re feeling extra spicy, Walmart).
If you don’t have time, energy, or materials for any of those – but you do have a few weeks to spare and an Amazon prime account, here are the top 10 costumes to buy for Halloween, compiled for your convenience.
10. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head: Perfect for couples who want to make it known that they are in a completely serious and devoted relationship, this costume is perfect for all the lovebirds out there. Not only will you and your significant other look fabulous in the stylish shade of desert brown and the facial features glued onto the fabric, but the extra space surrounding your body is like a big pocket – perfect for warming hands, storing candy, safekeeping handbags, or sneaking out of a party with a whole plate of ham unnoticed.
9. Poop Emoji: If you are a fan of the Emoji Movie, you’re in luck! This poop emoji costume lets everyone know that not only did you rate the Emoji Movie 10/10 on IMDb, but that you’re also a diehard fan and will do anything for the poop emoji. The velvety fabric of the costume just shrieks couture at the top of its lungs as you walk down the road with your bag of candy (which is filled to the brim). Celebrities walk on the red carpet because they’re stars, but you walk on toilet paper because you’re the stuff.
8. Your Left Foot: Sometimes, you just love your left foot so much that you want it to be a part of your Halloween costume – and the makers of this amazing costume really came through and listened. When you dress up as a foot, not only does it boost your self-esteem but others around you as well – it reminds them how far their feet have taken them on this strenuous night and it makes them grateful. If you want to go all-out, paint the toenails a fun Halloween color or design!
7. Baby Hotdog: For the little ones at the party. Have everyone wondering what you did to deserve such a big hotdog, and not actually know that is your beloved child or other small relative/friend. The baby will be comfortably swaddled in a whole wheat bun and pork meat, allowing people to ogle at you and your hotdog, and allowing the baby to not make a fuss while you enjoy your grandma’s Halloween Bash.
6. Toilet: Be the porcelain throne as you prance around in the night. The bowl is functional and can be used as an extra bag of candy when your bag gets too full from people dumping all their candy into yours because they love your costume so much. To really convince people, bring a squirt bottle filled with water to illustrate the plumbing issues real toilets have. Just remember to wear good shoes to run away from people who are actually convinced you are a legitimate toilet.
5. Alien Kidnap Victim: This costume is really good if you’re looking to give people a good old fashioned Halloween spook. When you walk into the party, people will be alarmed to see their best friend being kidnapped by an alien, and wonder if they are next! If things get out of hand, tell everyone it’s just you in the costume and the alien isn’t real to get several rounds of high-fives. Bonus, you look like a funny little alien man running around. Make alien noises to persuade people! (Glorps, Gleeps, and plain old screaming.)
4. Bert Morphsuit: A Bert morphsuit is a perfect way to get your friends into the Halloween spirit, especially their kiddies. Walk around the party in your glamorous suit, screaming Cher Lloyd’s “Swagger Jagger” at an alarmingly high volume and calling everyone Bert rather than their real names. You might not be able to eat or drink at all that night, but the joy you’ll bring the children makes the wait worthwhile.
3. Billy Bass the Talking Fish: Since this isn’t a full-body costume, you should either wear a nice polo or a wetsuit to complete the look. Walk around the neighborhood, speaking with a 1920’s accent and singing “Hello My Baby” as loudly as you can instead of saying “Thank You” to the people who give you candy. Refer to your companions as “old chaps” and refuse to eat seafood for the night. Douse yourself in fish scent by eating lots of fish oil pills and hanging fish to your body with duct tape – claim they’re your siblings.
2. Fortnite Skin: Fornite is the best game ever. Period. Why not have a costume from it? Normal skins are lame, get all fancy and do the default dance down the street as you cruise along with your Skull Trooper costume on. Get the Victory Royale as you come back to your house with a bag full of candy. HIT THAT SPOOKY CHUG JUG!
#1: THANOS: And the Number One Halloween costume of all time is: THANOS! Straight from Infinity War, everyone will love the mask. Colored an amazing shade of purple and constantly wielding the threat of erasing half of humanity, everyone at the Halloween party will see you walk in and think “Wow, why didn’t I think of that?” The costume comes with an attractive, almost-too-real mask beautifully handcrafted to capture every element of Thanos’ face, and the majestic suit shouts “powerful” – on top of that, the gauntlet you hold upon your fist justifies your dangerous nature and secures your spot as the ruler of the universe. Buy a costume today, and if you’re feeling extra powerful, dress up your car too – you’ll be driving a Thanos C–
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And those are the top 10 costumes for Halloween. I hope you are ready to hit the streets, and I pray that the public is ready for you and you amazing taste in Halloween costumes; Because I bet they’ll glance at you for a second and the sheer force of how cool you look will knock their socks off. So what are you waiting for? Buy one now!
What are your favorite Halloween costumes?
by Saber Slate | Oct 8, 2018 | Opinion & Reviews
Do you have an album that you have mixed feelings about? Do you want to know what someone else thinks about it? Are you just too lazy to listen to music and just want to hear how good something is before listening to it? Do you want to have your opinions of an artist validated? Well, this year I will be accepting requests of music to review. Place all your requests in this form.
(‘Out there’ or ‘weird’ music may or may not be favored over more generic music. I will try to compensate for my inherent bias, but it may be unavoidable. Whoops.)
by Saber Slate | Oct 6, 2018 | News
There is a constant thought looming over every junior and senior’s head during their final years of high school: What am I going to do when I graduate from Franklin High School?
There are so many things you have to think about when you think about college: your major, your budget, and of course, location, location, location. Luckily, there are events such as the Wisconsin Education Fair, (or WEF for short), in which colleges from all over the midwest come to Franklin High School to show you all of their strengths: their prime location, their offered majors, and the financial aid you could receive if you go to their college. It’s a lot of information packed into small 5-10 minute discussions that go through all of the aforementioned topics and so much more.
I had the opportunity of attending the WEF, and I wanted to share my (albeit biased) thoughts on how it not only benefited me, but how it could benefit others as well.
The fair is organized into rows of colleges and the people representing them, in no particular order. You could go past the table for UWM and then immediately next to it was the table for Winona State University. It wasn’t exclusively public universities either, there were private colleges being represented, as well as various military branches as a post-secondary option as well if college isn’t your thing.
At first sight, it was very intimidating, seeing the rows and rows of different colleges, the lines of people waiting their turn to see what each one had to offer them. I was terrified of going up to any of them for no reason other than not knowing how to initiate the conversation. But once I initiated that first interaction, once I gathered up the courage to talk to one of the college representatives, I began to get into the swing of it. My desire for information snowballed from the first “I wonder what this well known college has to tell me” and eventually grew to “‘I’ve never heard of this school, I wonder what it might have to offer!”
It is important to know that this was simply my experience with this particular college fair, and that you and others may not have the same experience as I did. I did not intend for this article to be the be-all-end-all explanation of college fairs
It’s a daunting question, asking yourself what you’re going to do for the rest of your life, but you don’t have to face it alone. There are many places you can go, such as the WEF or student services here at the high school, that can help you to narrow down your options for your post-secondary life.
by Saber Slate | Oct 2, 2018 | Writing & Art
It’s that time of year again–! No, not Christmas yet. It’s October, which means only one thing– it’s spooky time, baby! Shiver-me-bones, it’s almost Halloween again, the season of scares and spooky horrors. It feels like yesterday since it was last Halloween, and I’m sure a lot of you need a good BOO! every now and then to keep you awake in class. I propose a solution: Why have only one day to celebrate ghosts and monsters, when you can simply celebrate them all year? Here’s how you can, without a lot of hard work, and more than a collection of glowing jack-o-lanterns and floating skulls in your locker.
Create your own spooky dialect. Here’s a simple example chart to help convince your friends that you’re a spooky phantom, not a mortal human being.
| Normal words |
SPOOKY HAUNTED WORDS |
| “Hello” |
“BOO!” |
| “How are you?” |
“OooOooOoooOoo…” |
| “My name is [ ]” |
“My name is [ ]. I passed to the other realm in 1848.” |
| “Let’s get something to eat, sometime.” |
“Shall we enjoy feasting on the souls of the mortals when the clock strikes midnight?” |
| “Why do you think I’m a ghost?” |
“OooOooOoo!! I’m a GHOOOooOOooSST!! I am heeEEEeeereeEE to haaAAAuuUUUnnttt yoOOuUu!” |
| “What time is it?” |
“IT’S SPOOKY TIME! |
I hope you’re able to take inspiration from this chart, and you’ll really convince those silly humans that you’re really a ghost who’s come to haunt them.
Of course, there’s more to convincing than just words, am I right? Actions speak louder than words, especially HAUNTED actions. Here are some super spooky actions to really seal the fact that you’re a ghost (in a coffin). What’s really convincing is a haunted Halloween playlist to listen to at full blast, so your whole class can hear and know that you’re a spooky ghost. My personal suggestion is to use Spotify because of its theme: black and green, just some of the many spooky colors used to represent Halloween. Here are some songs you may want to start with:
Thriller by Michael Jackson
Disturbia by Rihanna
Somebody’s Watching Me by Rockwell
Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett
Note: don’t add the Ghostbusters song, because what kind of ghost listens to a song about hunting ghosts? Someone who isn’t a real ghost. Take that into mind.
Another thing you can do is sneak up on your human friends and give them a good scare. You’ll surely give them a good haunting, especially when they’re least expecting it. During a math exam, for example. They’ll never know what got ‘em! Or perhaps, if scaring isn’t your thing, walk into class with an empty pillow case and “TRICK OR TREAT” that teacher. Make sure to insist for candy! If the teacher has no candy, don’t worry! Each student can pitch in with their own treat for you, of course.
Of course, who would forget the most important part of Halloween itself: showing your true form, or what humans tend to call “wearing your Halloween costume.” Wear your spookiest every day to keep those humans on their toes. Don’t forget the crucial trick-or-treat bag, or you won’t be able to store your prizes safely and securely. There are no limits to how you do this– just keep it school appropriate, or you might as well make it onto the list of PWats, the prime ghostbuster.
Hopefully, these tips will help you convince your friends that you’re really a spooky ghost instead of a human. If you have any follow-up questions about this, or if I’m a ghost, be sure to leave a comment with your question and I’ll make sure to get back to you within the next few centuries.
Boo. This is a satire article. If you do in fact have questions or concerns, please leave a comment and I will get back to you shortly.
by Saber Slate | Oct 1, 2018 | Advice
Hello! Readers of the Saber Slate, I am proud to introduce the Saber Slate advice column! It works just like Dear Abby. You send in a problem, give us an alias, and we will answer with a solution in an article. They can be as crazy, trivial, or as serious as you want them to be. However, they have to be school appropriate, or we’re not allowed to answer it. You can submit problems through the submit button on the right side of the website or at www.tinyurl.com/fhsadvice.
Here is an example of what the typical advice article would look like:
First I would show the written problem.
“Dear Omar,
I have a problem that I’m sure you can relate to. As I attend class, eat lunch, and walk through the halls, something bothered me. I realized what it was. I was just too perfect. I am just amazing in every way and nobody else comes close to my level of excellence. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Perfectly Perfect”
Then I would answer it.
Perfect, I understand your problem completely, as I struggle with the same thing. My only advice to give you is to find people that at least come close to your perfection, and maybe then you can cope with your amazing skills and talent.
-Omar
A little short for an answer, but you get the point. Now that you have an idea of the ideal submission, get cracking! Submit problems, and we’ll write answers.
