It appalls me we have not addressed this.
The administration refuses to. He’s made a deal with them, I can tell – should his secrets be revealed, he will decimate the school. Due to this alliance (possibly out of fear for their own safety), I will be exposing this danger to the student body. It must be done.
There are two lethal dangers running around FHS.
First, Seymour Spirit Saber. He has surpassed an urban legend. He’s surpassed a cryptid, and has escalated to a Code Red threat. A god among men, the cuddly, student-body chosen name is a simple veil to the true horrors he is capable of. Somehow, the administrators and staff get him to recede from his ultimate form to perform dance rituals at the home games we hold here at Franklin, possibly as a part of the blood pact they were forced into. He might even only be here to scare us into submission. You never hear anyone cheer for the other team during games: it’s because if you do, Seymour will track you down and SEPARATE you like a julienne salad.
Not much is known about Seymour, other than the fact that the only people he spares are the administrators and staff.
From my extensive research over the course of the years, I can conclude three things:
- He lives inside the walls and air ducts.
- He can manifest anywhere inside of the school.
- He WILL take your kneecaps.
He’s extremely fast. I’m not even sure how he allows the school to take photos of him. I know for sure that the reason that no one has ever come across Seymour and lived to tell the tale. No one knows why he craves the kneecaps of adolescents. No one dares ask.
It is also speculated that Seymour is always listening. Unlike most sabers, his ears are positioned at the front of his head, a mutation that has bestowed him prime listening abilities – almost superhuman. Anyone who says anything mildly offensive, anything that threatens his position of power, or if you threaten to take HIS kneecaps will be kneecap-less and dead before 2:34 PM the same day.
No one knows the warning signs of an attack – anyone who has been attacked has never been able to live through it to warn us. We do know, though, that if you hear skittering inside the walls or the ducts, you had a close encounter, but were good enough to be spared. You can’t hear him when he comes for you – he’s that fast.
However, he’s never been seen outside the school, so we’re safe…for now.
Secondly is the Aqua Saber. A slightly less powerful variant of Seymour, he dwells in the FHS swimming pool, and reaches his peak performance in the diving end.
Similar to Seymour, no one alive is sure of what he looks like, but we for sure know he’s there. He might be translucent, with long fangs and a mermaid tail that allows him to swim incredibly fast. He is much, much larger than Seymour – almost covering half of the pool’s volume, however, he does not hold as much power.
Similar to Seymour, Mr. Aqua Saber is always on the watch. His skin is extremely sensitive to motions in the water and can pinpoint exactly where you are in the pool just by the waves he feels on his skin. He comes for you if you complain too much about the water temperature during a swim unit, or if he thinks you are challenging him (by swimming too fast or splashing around too much).
Thankfully, we’re aware of what his attack is like: only one source, who asked to remain anonymous, was willing to share with me what the attack was like when they saw it happen to a student wading in the pool after school hours.
“All of the lights went out except the one that he was under,” says anonymous. “The water started bubbling and they said the water was too cold. It was then I knew he made a huge mistake.”
Anonymous watched in horror as his friend was quickly dragged underwater. He said he didn’t remember what happened next.
“He drags you to the deep end and sucks all of the water out of your body like a dehydrated fruit,” anonymous continued. “Then your dehydrated body is thrown down the drain and will usually reappear 2 or 3 months later, floating in a toilet somewhere in the school.”
The Aqua Saber Spares no one, but somehow, the swim teams have somehow found out the one thing that keeps him away, but refuses to tell anyone. No one knows how they manage to be spared from his gaping, toothy mouth.
Writing this article was an extreme challenge for me. There were several times where I had to stand up, walk away from the computer, and wonder if my life – and my precious kneecaps would be worth losing. I am risking it all by posting this, but it’s a challenge I am destined to take on. The student body MUST know these dangers.
Please watch out for me. My reinforced steel kneecaps can only hold for so long.
Please note this article is part of Saber Slate’s Satire Week and is not meant to be taken seriously. If you are confused by this, we suggest you look up the definition of satire.