Summer is slowly approaching. The shorts are slowly leaving their dark corner of the dresser and being thrown onto the floor after weather apps are checked. Car windows are being opened only to be closed after realizing that it’s not warm enough to look cool yet. The sandals – wait, they’re always out – uh, the socks under the sandals are getting shorter? I don’t really know – anyways, how people dress between seasons is completely different. This article will help you learn some great fashion tips for how to dress as the weather warms up!
The first tip is to expose yourself more, whether that be reducing the number of layers you wear (no more undershirts!) or just going to shorter sleeve/pant lengths. That means no more long sleeve shirts; switch over to the short sleeve shirts. Consider possibly losing the shorts altogether for maximum comfort.
My second tip is to loosen up! There’s only a quarter of the school year left, which means the stress is dwindling. Why not express that through your clothing choice? Wear a bit more baggier clothing, like a good pair of oversized cargo shorts. Men, I strongly recommend unbuttoning the top two buttons of any dress shirts you own – gotta show off all your great (not fully grown-in) chest hair!
A third tip is to stick to fashion trends. Ignore what the weather is going to be like, and look cool according to society’s standards. It’s cool to wear a nice jacket. Is it 80 degrees out? Who cares! Follow the trends until the end. If you don’t, we will find out, and we won’t be happy. You want me to be happy, right, Gilbert? Follow the trend.
My next tip is to get a haircut. It’s hotter out now, so you can probably get your hair cut shorter as you don’t need to protect your head from cold as much. For the best possible look, I recommend asking your barber to do what they think looks good on you. Then, consistently complain about it not looking good even though you could have said something while getting it cut. It’s not on you at all to be open to your barber, they should just know!
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My final tip, is to dress however you feel. It doesn’t matter what others think about how you dress. Society is constantly oppressing the individual. We need to speak out and fight for individuals to be able to speak their mind. What truly matters is what you feel in your heart. And I know that, in your heart, what you really want is a nice pair of American Eagle skinny jeans.
*Please note the Saber Slate, nor this article, is actually sponsored by American Eagle. This article is part of Saber Slate’s Satire Week and is not meant to be taken seriously. If you are confused by this, we suggest you look up the definition of satire.