It’s that time of year again. School has started, everyone’s tired and sad except the kid with the color-coded notebooks, and for some reason, people are already getting ready for Halloween. But Halloween ads aren’t the only thing you can’t escape from. You won’t be able to turn on a television, look at a magazine, or even drive by a Starbucks without hearing about the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Love it or hate it, everyone knows it. This latte single-handedly made Starbucks 1.4 billion dollars in 2017. It was such a success, that every company in existence decided to copy them and make their own version of the fall taste/sent. When I say every company, I mean every company. People have too much money and not enough common sense, which leads to soaps, shoes, water, everything with a pumpkin spice edition, and I’ve compiled the weirdest of them all. (With pictures, so you don’t actually have to read anything.)

         First up we’ve got the Pumpkin Spice Shampoo, essential for anyone with money to burn. This beauty will run you about 20 dollars and is currently out of stock on Amazon. The company claims that you will like this product if “you want a calorie-free way to indulge in a pumpkin spice muffin.” I for one wholeheartedly agree. If you want to eat a pumpkin spice muffin, then using this shampoo is the way to do it. 9/10, 4 ½ stars.

        Next on the list is the ever beautiful Pumpkin Spice shoe collection, the leading innovation in the fashion industry. Honestly, there is no reason these shoes should be called “Pumpkin Spice” besides the fact that, like pumpkins, they are orange. Now this company couldn’t stop at one pair, this idea was so good that they made an entire collection of them. I rate it 5 out of 5 style points.

        On to number three, which is Pumpkin Spice flavored water! Why do we have pumpkin spice flavored water, you ask? What possible reason could there be for this, you ask? Well, it’s because (as you’ve probably noticed) water is just too boring. The thing that sustains all life everywhere just isn’t good enough, what better way give it the zing it needs than to make a pumpkin spice version? The problem I see with it, however, is that it’s just too good of an idea. I don’t understand why people even need to drink normal water anymore after this gift to humanity. However, perfection is imperfection, so this Pumpkin Spice Water gets 8/10.

        Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the grand finale. It’s a simple Pumpkin Product™, but a bad idea all the same. I give you, Pumpkin Spice Deodorant, the very pinnacle of mankind’s ability, and frankly, I don’t think we can top it. Finally, you can start your day smelling like pumpkin spice and end it smelling like sweat and pumpkin spice. Honestly, I can personally assure you that if you were to buy and use this product, you will no longer fear death. 354 out of 10, would never buy ever.

         And so our little journey comes to an end, our little walk through the world of poor marketing ideas spawned from a type of coffee. A journey about Pumpkin Spice, the mediocre flavor that for some reason is anywhere and everywhere. We learned that people have bizarre ideas and make things to show that. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what really matters?