Last Minute Prom Tips

Hey guys, Prom is coming up soon (like really soon) so I figured I’d share some really good tips for you:

Get a Date:

If you don’t have one now, don’t worry! Ask someone last minute. Like the day before the prom! Or the day of! Forget elaborate, memorable promposals, go up and tell them they’re going with you! It Doesn’t matter if they already has a date; if you’re cooler or better looking then they’ll go for you in a heartbeat. The blatant disregard for their love life and/or consent will show that you have confidence!

Know what to wear:

Nowadays originality is dead. Instead of expensive, stuffy suits (or painfully constructed duct-tape dresses) feel free to wear your favorite bro tank and snap-back. Be sure to wear DC shoes, shape-ups, or heelies for maximum effect. Your date (and everyone else’s) will swoon and beg to be yours.

Look jacked (mostly for guys but hey if you’re a girl and wanna get big more power to ya):

To prepare for prom you gotta look big. Take a bunch of protein powder or C-4 (ideally both) and go to the gym. Here you will find a bench and load it up with as much weight as possible. Then walk around the room a few times and flex in front of the mirror. Unload the bench and go find another bar to load up with weight and repeat. Every true athlete knows that the real gains occur during the loading and unloading of weights. If you want to look really swoll you may also want to stand in a corner and do some arm curls with horrifically poor form. Your body will build more muscle as it will be unaccustomed to the poor form.

Learn to dance:

This one isn’t important because a player like you will undeniably spend most of his/her time in the corner making out with their date(s). Regardless, you should probably learn at least one dance so you don’t look lame. To be honest though the “Cha-cha slide” is the only dance you really need to know.

Buy tickets:

Everyone’s favorite part of prom is buying tickets! If you can’t manipulate your date into paying for your ticket be sure to spend half the time complaining about pricing. Your date will respect your thriftiness and desire to avoid exorbitant expenses. It’ll also eliminate/minimize the possibility that they’ll try to talk about themselves.

Play it cool with your date:

You might get nervous when you see how great your special someone looks in their suit/dress/bro-tank…just be sure not to show it. You have to act confident and self assured at all times. One way to do this is to take digs at them in order to momentarily lower their self-esteem so they think you’re even cooler. Lines like “Hey baby, I like your dress, but I’d like it better if it were on a prettier girl” are great for this strategy. He/she will be so hard pressed to impress you that you’ll have them in the palm of your hand! To supplement this strategy you should spend at least half of your time flirting with your date’s friends. Their jealousy will lead them to profess their love for you in new and exciting ways! They totally won’t run crying to the bathroom or anything like that.
Sarcastic (horrific) advice aside, have fun. Prom is one of the most memorable events of your highschool careers, and whether it ends up going good or bad you’ll probably remember it forever. If you don’t have a date, go with friends. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

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